Let Me Hold You...

Click here to listen to Karen Kingsbury read her story, Let Me Hold You Longer...

This week has been full of early mornings,  long days, and late nights.  Tonight,  I told my "babies" to tuck themselves into bed.  I was so tired...but more than that,  I'm in this phase of trying to protect my heart.  It's selfish, I know.

You see, in the next days and weeks, our journey is about to change.  Our sweet babies will probably begin visitation soon; they will begin preparing to return home.  I'm not prepared.  My heart isn't ready.  Unless you've ever tucked a special child into bed,  you don't know how intimate that is.  That's the time I connect most with my little ones.  There's always one more story they have to share,  one more whispered prayer, one more hug  or kiss,  one more "I love you...." It is a special time.  And so,  selfish as it is,  I'm trying to block it out....to prepare my heart.  The only problem is,  it's not working.  I always end up there, anyway. 

Tonight, it was LATE....well past bedtime. So,  I said "Brush your teeth and get your pj's on.  You're tucking yourselves in  tonight." Little Man did his usual pouting.  I followed him into the kitchen...I picked him up in my arms....this isn't as easy as it used to be...he's gained at least 15 pounds since he came to  live here! I swung him through the air,  I snuggled him, then I sat him down on the sink and rocked him in my arms,  singing to him.  Just being silly. God convicted my heart,  as I prayed there with my son.  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  I prayed I could hold him a little longer.  He sensed it....he held me tighter and whispered "I love you."

My babies didn't tuck themselves in  tonight. I crawled  (yes, literally crawled....I told you I'm exhausted) up those stairs tonight!  I snuggled my sweet boy and girl, and I tucked them snugly into  bed.   

Why? Because....I don't know how many more chances I have to tuck them into bed.  I don't know when or journey will end.  I'm heart sick thinking about it.  It's not supposed to hurt like this! It does, though....and it will.  For now, we hold them a little longer....we love them a little more....and we trust God to take care of them now and always.  For now,  we relish in the growth we have seen....we celebrate every step forward, and even the ones back...and we hold onto each moment, writing the stories in our minds and hearts. 

Karen's story doesn't fully match ours....we didn't have them since birth...but the sentiment is the same. We've still had many firsts, and lasts, with them...and I want to cherish each one! 

Dear Lord, let me hold them a little longer...