What do others see?

Last week,  I received one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.  If not THE GREATEST.

I was speaking with a friend. She's dear to me. God placed her in mine and my husband's life when we were dating.  She moved away,  but thanks to Facebook, we were able to stay in touch.  Recently,  we found ourselves on a similar journey....foster care. This has drawn us even closer to one another. We've experienced many similar struggles and joys, while also supporting each other through different trials and triumphs.  She is a blessing to my life. 

Through all of our experiences, one thing hasn't changed.  Who I am. I'm just me. This 33 year-old girl who has this unshakable faith in this amazing God.  I talk about my  God every day. (I never realized how much until two of my former students said to me this year, "We are here to get our daily dose of preaching,  Mrs. B!  You're always talking to your friends about God.") God is a huge part of who I am. I will never stop singing His praises. I'm not always successful,  but I do try to look for His good and His purpose, even when times are difficult. 

Apparently,  I've been more successful than I ever imagined. My dear friend has been through some trials in her life.  She's been hurt.  She's been mistreated and let down. Through it all, though,  she's continued to live.

I knew my friend didn't have a church home, but I honestly didn't know where she stood with God and her beliefs.  I just kept telling her all the ways God was working in my life. I giggled at some of the things I saw God doing in hers....doesn't He have an awesome sense of humor?! I loved pointing them out to her. I prayed for her. Daily. I made sure she knew I was praying.  We talked about similar experiences we had been through...and I talked about how my faith carried me through.  Specifically,  I remember talking to her about forgiveness I had extended to someone who, by the world's standards,  doesn't deserve forgiveness. We talked about how I pray for this person and hope for good things for them. I remember telling her how God did the same for me. Again...this was just me being me. I had no ulterior motives.  I was sharing part of me with a friend I love...who understands me.

So, last week, we were talking about another situation.  I expressed that I knew God had a bigger and better plan. That His timing was better than mine could ever be. (How hard is this to hold on to at times,  though?!?!?)  The following are a few excerpts from my friend's response:

"Things in my life are happening to make me question my very core of existence.  There has to be a hand guiding me.  I have you and so many other people who base their lives on faith....."

"There has to be a reason that there are so many people in my life now with such a strong faith system.  I'm listening and learning and starting to believe there could be a great love out there for me..."

"You teach in ways you'll never know..."

I seriously lost it, there and then. I sobbed.  I wasn't trying to be a witness to her,  though I did want her to know God loves her and to see His love. I was truly just being me. I also realize she doesn't give me all the credit....of course,  I give God the credit, anyway.  He IS guiding her life. He is blessing her. She is seeing Him now, because her eyes have been opened.  (Perhaps because she is showing the same type of love the Gospel preaches by doing foster care? Perhaps through our conversations?  Perhaps through the stories her girls bring home from church/VBS? I'm sure many reasons combine....) I PRAY for my dear friend even more so now. I pray God ministers to her spirit daily. I pray she sees more of Him in her daily life. I pray she will come to know Him as a loving Father and best friend. You can never be too old for that.

Our conversation was a blessing,  though.  It was the first time someone told me an impact I'd had on their life like that. (Aside from my students) It encouraged and uplifted me. It also made me think.

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 5:14-16.  

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Let your light shine...

Is your light shining? What do others see? Do they see God?  Do they witness unconditional love? Do they see a shining light in a dark world? Or do they see negativity?  Do they see a hypocrite? What do they see?

We really are teaching,  even when we don't realize it. We may be the only Bible people ever see. Are they seeing the truth?  Are they seeing a reason to believe?

I have been encouraged by my friend and by her words. I pray others also see. Christ in me and learn from me...just as I continue to love others!

Friend...I love you. Forever. I will continue to lift you in prayer.  Keep seeking and listening.  You are amazing....God and His faithfulness is even more amazing! 

Moments of the Heart....

This weekend has been about the little moments... but the ones that make my heart swell.

Friday,  I posted a blog...a letter to myself,  reminding me that there are better days for every rough day....better moments for every rough moment.  A couple hours later,  my kiddoes got off the school bus, and we experienced some of those better moments....

Little Man took THREE AR tests Friday.... he made 2 100s and an 80! He read two other books that he's ready to take tests on tomorrow, because he ran out of time! He made a 100 on a science test AND he got back an old science assignment...he says he's the only one to get a 100 on that assignment!  Also,  he moved his clothespin up to SUPER STUDENT from READY TO LEARN!  Yes... I'm a proud Mama.

Baby Girl had a map project to do last week. It was due Friday.  She made a 100!  She worked so hard on that project!  It was hard to sit on my hands and let it be kid - generated,  but I did!!! She did well! She made a 100 on her reading/listening comprehension test!  This is the first one she's made above a C on,  so we are pleased! 

I really love to see the kids excelling in school. It makes me feel like I'm making a difference. 

We've had a lot of snuggle moments this weekend...moments where we decided to not worry about anything else. We just relaxed and loved on each other.  In the hustle and bustle of school, church, homework,  house work,  appointments...I don't want to lose the little moments.  These kiddoes have been loaned to us for a brief while.  We don't know how long we have to show them love...tender, genuine love....tough love....Unconditional love. I'm focusing on snuggling them a little longer and celebrating little moments. 

Speaking of celebrating.... we celebrated Grandparent's Day today!  We have to mail gifts to J's parents.  We got to give the gifts to Grammy (my mom) & Poppi & ReMal, though!  That was exciting!  The kids loved it,  and I think I had as much fun as they did!  While they may not be in our home forever, they will forever remember the love  all of their adoptive grandparents have given them.  It's real to them. It's another moment that warms the heart. 

I challenge you to slow down.  Focus on the heart moments.  Say I love you. Ask how are you. Smell the roses.  Experience life through the eyes of children.  Slow down. Relish the moments you have. Make moments!  They're worthwhile.  I promise. 

Dear Self...

We've had a few rough days in the Bloomer household. We've had some emotional times. We've had some stressful times. The last week and a half has been challenging at times. When I have my darkest moments, I try to remind myself of the same things I tell others. I'm not always good at that, though, and several times the last week and a half (probably daily, if I'm honest), I've felt like a failure and questioned my worth as a parent. (It doesn't help when one of them gets mad at you and tells you, "You're a bad parent, because...." Of course, they later hug you and kiss you and tell you they're sorry...but the words still wound at times. I have to remind myself  they don't mean it; it's hard for them, too.) I decided to write down the words I would tell other people...the encouragement and reassurance I would give them...and to write it to myself. That way, when I'm having a rough day...I can go back and read it...and remember...

Dear Self...

Here are just a few things I want to tell you or remind you. (Other parents, you can listen up, too!) 

1. You are not a failure. 
2. Stop taking it personal. It's not a reflection of you or your parenting ability.
3. Hang in there.


YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. More on that, but first...some food for thought. 

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. ~ John Burroughs

Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it. ~ Mia Hamm

I really don't think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don't mind the failure but I can't imagine that I'd forgive myself if I didn't try. ~ Nikki Giovanni

There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~ Elbert Hubbard

     You see, you're not a failure. You're still trying. Every single day, you give it your best effort. You wake up every morning thinking about your kids. "Will they eat breakfast at home or at school? Is it a good day for a special treat -- like running through the Hardee's drive-thru? Why does Little Man insist on eating breakfast at school instead of here? Does he really eat breakfast? I would hate for him to be hungry all day; he's so little as it is. What crazy outfit will Baby Girl come down the stairs in today? I'm so torn sometimes between letting her pick out her own clothes (but making sure they match) and  picking her clothes out for her. How many times will I have to tell them to brush their teeth this  morning? Did I sign all their papers last night? Did their folders get put back in their book bags? I love these kiddoes so much; what will I do when their gone??"  Those thoughts...they are in the first sixty seconds of waking up, probably. The thoughts don't stop there, either. They keep rolling, pretty much non-stop. Those kids, they're part of your world. They matter. 

     Does this mean you'll get it right every time? No. There are days  you'll raise your voice a little too sharply. There are days you'll forget to sign a permission slip. There are days one of those words you tell them not to say just may slip between your lips. (Don't worry, it's still not pretty, lady-like or "okay," but forgive yourself...and God will forgive you, too. Next time you can bite your tongue.) But, for every day like that...there will be 5, 10, 15, or 20 better days. There will be the days when you hug them a little tighter. There will be the days when Little Man WANTS to curl up in your lap and read with you. There will be the days when someone compliments you on how well-behaved they are. There will be the days when you notice that THIS TIME they didn't cower behind you when they met someone new. There will be the days that they flush the toilet, wash their hands, and turn out the light -- ALL WITHOUT BEING REMINDED! There will be the days where they squeeze you so tight, you feel like you really may break in two. There will be the moments/days where even after you've felt like a failure for speaking too harshly, they will be saying their prayers, and you'll hear them say, "Help Ms. Dayna to feel better." or "Help us all to have a good day." There will be those moments...the ones where you know that you're doing something right...that they're listening...and that, believe it or not, they really are learning from you! 

    Every time you respond to those moments you perceive as failures in a courageous way...that ensures that you aren't a failure. Every time you respond to those moments by saying, "I'm sorry. I overreacted. Please forgive me," or "I love you. I will do better next time," or "I shouldn't have said that. Will you forgive me?"...you ensure you aren't a failure. Every time you stand up tall again, every time you keep trying, every time you accept responsibility and move forward...you ensure you aren't a failure.

    Listen to me one more time. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are learning and growing...whether you've been a parent for 2 months or 2 decades...you still won't get it right every time. That doesn't make you a failure. That makes you human. Quit holding yourself to a higher standard than you would hold everyone else to...you don't call them a failure when they mess up once or twice...or even repeatedly, as long as they acknowledge their mistakes and stand up again. Give yourself the same credit and respect you give to others. 


STOP TAKING IT PERSONAL! 

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. ~Author Unknown

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. ~Harold Hulbert

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. ~Franklin P. Jones

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault

      Listen to one who knows. How many years have you spent working with children?  How many  times have you met a parent, who was so lovely and concerned and really trying to do it the right way, and then asked yourself, "Why is that child still acting up so much?" or "Why does the child act that way?" YES, there are times when you can honestly say, "The apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree." Those times are fewer and farther between than you realize, though, right now...when you're in the thick of it. So Little Man lied about his  homework...or he didn't turn it in on time...or, even though you went over the directions with him 25 times, he still didn't do it right. At some point, there  have to be natural consequences for behavior...he has to learn. So, you didn't make him redo it. He's a child. He's finding his wings. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. It really doesn't reflect as negatively on you as you think. Let it go. 

    It's truly not a reflection of you or your parenting. Do you know what makes a good parent? One who loves and listens and is involved...that's a good parent. Perfect is nowhere in the definition of parent. Stop putting it there unnecessarily. How many times have you told your friends (whether they're doing foster care or raising their own flesh and blood)..."NO ONE is judging you!" "It's not a reflection of you!"  "You're doing a great job!"  "Don't worry about it!" "I'm proud of you!"  "You're awesome!" Why is it so easy for you to speak those words to others who need to hear it...but you won't listen to them yourself? Listen now. You're doing what every good parent does. You're putting your children first. You're listening to them. You're involved with what goes on in their life. You care. You want them to be successful. Anyone who talks to you (or your kids) for more than five minutes can see that you have their best interests at heart, and their unpredictable behaviors and choices are a result of being a child (and, to be more specific...a child who has learned a lot of those behaviors to survive), not a poor reflection of you. 

    In the moments you feel like people are judging you...in the moments you feel that you are a poor parent...hug those kids a little tighter; speak positive words of affirmation into their life a little more; focus on the good you see in them. Pray for them. When you focus on the positive, and lay aside the negative, you'll remind yourselves, and them, that you're doing a good job...together. 

HANG IN THERE! 

     Better days are coming. Each day isn't perfect, but your hard work and efforts are not to no avail. 


It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

When you get to your wits end, you will find, God lives there.  ~Author Unknown

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.  ~Author Unknown

Fall seven times, stand up eight.  ~Japanese Proverb

Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.  ~Jerome Fleishman

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.  ~Edmund Hillary

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.  ~Author Unknown

We acquire the strength we have overcome.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.  Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll.  ~Author Unknown

      You see, these kiddoes...they are making progress each and every day. Even if you can't see it all the time...it's there. Don't stop doing what you're doing. God put this desire in your heart. Keep fueling it. You are helping to build strong children...they may have been a little weak when they came to you, but when they leave you, they'll be a lot less broken...I promise. They will remember what you've taught them, too. You may not see the fruits of your labor come to full fruition for many years...but it will be there. 

     Encourage yourself. The best way to do this is to talk to God. Pick up His Word and feed on it. Talk to others who have been there. Sometimes, there's  nothing more reassuring than to hear, "I've experienced the same thing," or "It's normal," or "You're doing great!" If you get to the point where you can't encourage yourself, find someone who can. 

    Don't quit. Don't beat yourself up. There are days when you want to cry...let yourself cry. Then, look around at all the reasons you have to smile and smile ever so brightly. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF; I believe in you.

Love,
Dayna