Bittersweet Moments in the Making....

Tonight, Jeremy, the kids, and I decorated OUR Christmas tree. After the tree was decorated, we cuddled up together on the couch. We watched in silence, as the tree slowly rotated and Christmas music played in the background. I honestly don't believe there's been a more peaceful moment in our house since the kids joined us on June 16th. However, as I Sat with a kid cuddled up to each side of me, tears began to roll down my face. I couldn't help it. You see, these moments and memories that we are making are bittersweet.  This is our first Christmas together. Yesterday, was our first Thanksgiving together. Baby girl says it's the best Thanksgiving she's ever had. She said she always hated Thanksgiving. Our firsts....may very well be our lasts. Each moment we have with our babies is a gift from God, and one we may never have again.... I challenge you to slow down this holiday season. I challenge you to cherish each moment with the ones God has gifted to you. I challenge you to focus on making memories. I challenge you to recognize the blessings you have.

Thank you, God, for this calling you have placed on our lives. We don't get it right every day... but we are striving  to get it more and more right every moment. Give us the strength to seek Your will and to treasure each moment.  Help us to hold them in our hearts for the days when they are only memories. Amen.

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy..." Psalm 126: 5

Today has been a rough day. I have sown many tears. This bothers me, at times. It's just been one of those days. I went to bed on the wrong side of the bed....I woke up on the wrong side of the bed....the car wouldn't start, so J had to take the van....I took the battery charger off the car battery and "shocked" myself...NONE of this was a BIG DEAL, when you really think about it...it was all a comedy of errors. Bad days happen...they're really not worth rehashing that much. Overall, I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, food in my cabinets...life IS good. So, why do I find myself drawn to focusing on the negative? I'm working hard on NOT doing that.

So...what actually caused my tears today? Today, we took a new step in our foster care journey. Today, I found out that not only would we be starting visitation with Baby Girl and Little Man's mom...but we would be starting phone calls, too.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will tell you....I was overcome with anger and sadness and fear...and a million other emotions, all wrapped up into one. Please, don't get me wrong...it's not that I don't know what foster care is. It's not that I didn't realize all of this would begin to take place soon. It wasn't even that I hadn't been preparing for it...I had. Unless you're in the situation...I don't believe you can fully understand the emotions, though. I felt angry...yes. I felt sadness....yes. I felt fear...yes. I kept thinking, "These are my babies! We share them now. I've had them for 113 days!" and "Why do you get to march back in and take over like nothing every happened?" (Though that's quite irrational, because that's not what was happening) and "What if she breaks their heart? What if she  makes them cry?" and "What will our world be like after this phone call? Will we have daily meltdowns? Will they be angry? Will they lash out at me?" Again...so many emotions.

So, tonight, we called. I wasn't prepared for the million OTHER emotions I felt! I watched Baby Girl light up talking to her mom. Don't get me wrong...she lights up with us. We have wonderful moments. This was a different "lighting up," thought. It was a hole I couldn't quite fill or reach. A hole I  may never be able to reach...and one I may never need to. I saw Baby Girl cry, and hurt, because everything she's been missing was right there. I heard a mother's voice fill with tears the moment she heard her little girl's voice. I heard her choke back those tears and ask a million questions. Then, I heard a mother no longer able to hold her tears back when she heard her son's voice.

I held my Baby Girl while she sobbed talking to her mom. I stepped in and had her tell Momma a joke, so they could both break the tears. Momma "tickled" Baby Girl through the phone, while I held her in my lap, actually tickling her...so that Momma wouldn't have her tears as her last memory of the phone call.

Why did I do those things? Because...it's part of a foster mother's job. "Our" Baby Girl needed to know she was okay...she needed to know she would see Momma soon...and she needed to know D-Mom wasn't going anywhere. It felt right. It was necessary. It was what was needed at the time.

As the phone call was ending, Little Man said "Bye" from across the room. His Momma thought it was me. She said, "Bye. Thank you." She started crying. "Thank you. Please take care of my babies for me." The tears came. I said, "You're welcome, and of course I will." I didn't try to explain to her that they're my babies, too. They are, though. They have my heart. I'm dreading the day they will go home. I know that my heart will break into a million pieces. But, you know what? I heard the gratitude in their Momma's voice, as they told her all the things they'd experienced and done. I heard her laugh when Baby Girl would accidentally call her "Dayna," or "Daynee," or "D-Mom!" I didn't hear anger or resentment or jealousy. She sounded truly sorrowful for the time she has missed, but truly grateful for what we're doing for her kids. Maybe I'm just an optimist....

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know when Baby Girl and Little Man will leave our home. But, I know they matter. I know they matter to me. I could hear the love in their mother's voice. Sometimes, love isn't enough, but I believe she will try....and while I hurt for me...I pray for her. I pray that God's best be brought about into the lives of these children. I pray that their Momma, Lord willing, will be able to give them a good home, filled with love and warmth....I just pray for their Momma. That she would experience God's love and grace....and, for however long it lasts, I thank her and God, for the opportunity to be D-Mom to my sweet babies. I will forever be grateful.

Between now and then...I will take one day at a time, and I will thank God that he knows my tears, and that He is bringing me joy....

Now, I must go upstairs with my husband and tuck our babies into bed for the 113th time...and steal a few more hugs and kisses with them.

Let Me Hold You...

Click here to listen to Karen Kingsbury read her story, Let Me Hold You Longer...

This week has been full of early mornings,  long days, and late nights.  Tonight,  I told my "babies" to tuck themselves into bed.  I was so tired...but more than that,  I'm in this phase of trying to protect my heart.  It's selfish, I know.

You see, in the next days and weeks, our journey is about to change.  Our sweet babies will probably begin visitation soon; they will begin preparing to return home.  I'm not prepared.  My heart isn't ready.  Unless you've ever tucked a special child into bed,  you don't know how intimate that is.  That's the time I connect most with my little ones.  There's always one more story they have to share,  one more whispered prayer, one more hug  or kiss,  one more "I love you...." It is a special time.  And so,  selfish as it is,  I'm trying to block it out....to prepare my heart.  The only problem is,  it's not working.  I always end up there, anyway. 

Tonight, it was LATE....well past bedtime. So,  I said "Brush your teeth and get your pj's on.  You're tucking yourselves in  tonight." Little Man did his usual pouting.  I followed him into the kitchen...I picked him up in my arms....this isn't as easy as it used to be...he's gained at least 15 pounds since he came to  live here! I swung him through the air,  I snuggled him, then I sat him down on the sink and rocked him in my arms,  singing to him.  Just being silly. God convicted my heart,  as I prayed there with my son.  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  I prayed I could hold him a little longer.  He sensed it....he held me tighter and whispered "I love you."

My babies didn't tuck themselves in  tonight. I crawled  (yes, literally crawled....I told you I'm exhausted) up those stairs tonight!  I snuggled my sweet boy and girl, and I tucked them snugly into  bed.   

Why? Because....I don't know how many more chances I have to tuck them into bed.  I don't know when or journey will end.  I'm heart sick thinking about it.  It's not supposed to hurt like this! It does, though....and it will.  For now, we hold them a little longer....we love them a little more....and we trust God to take care of them now and always.  For now,  we relish in the growth we have seen....we celebrate every step forward, and even the ones back...and we hold onto each moment, writing the stories in our minds and hearts. 

Karen's story doesn't fully match ours....we didn't have them since birth...but the sentiment is the same. We've still had many firsts, and lasts, with them...and I want to cherish each one! 

Dear Lord, let me hold them a little longer...

What do others see?

Last week,  I received one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.  If not THE GREATEST.

I was speaking with a friend. She's dear to me. God placed her in mine and my husband's life when we were dating.  She moved away,  but thanks to Facebook, we were able to stay in touch.  Recently,  we found ourselves on a similar journey....foster care. This has drawn us even closer to one another. We've experienced many similar struggles and joys, while also supporting each other through different trials and triumphs.  She is a blessing to my life. 

Through all of our experiences, one thing hasn't changed.  Who I am. I'm just me. This 33 year-old girl who has this unshakable faith in this amazing God.  I talk about my  God every day. (I never realized how much until two of my former students said to me this year, "We are here to get our daily dose of preaching,  Mrs. B!  You're always talking to your friends about God.") God is a huge part of who I am. I will never stop singing His praises. I'm not always successful,  but I do try to look for His good and His purpose, even when times are difficult. 

Apparently,  I've been more successful than I ever imagined. My dear friend has been through some trials in her life.  She's been hurt.  She's been mistreated and let down. Through it all, though,  she's continued to live.

I knew my friend didn't have a church home, but I honestly didn't know where she stood with God and her beliefs.  I just kept telling her all the ways God was working in my life. I giggled at some of the things I saw God doing in hers....doesn't He have an awesome sense of humor?! I loved pointing them out to her. I prayed for her. Daily. I made sure she knew I was praying.  We talked about similar experiences we had been through...and I talked about how my faith carried me through.  Specifically,  I remember talking to her about forgiveness I had extended to someone who, by the world's standards,  doesn't deserve forgiveness. We talked about how I pray for this person and hope for good things for them. I remember telling her how God did the same for me. Again...this was just me being me. I had no ulterior motives.  I was sharing part of me with a friend I love...who understands me.

So, last week, we were talking about another situation.  I expressed that I knew God had a bigger and better plan. That His timing was better than mine could ever be. (How hard is this to hold on to at times,  though?!?!?)  The following are a few excerpts from my friend's response:

"Things in my life are happening to make me question my very core of existence.  There has to be a hand guiding me.  I have you and so many other people who base their lives on faith....."

"There has to be a reason that there are so many people in my life now with such a strong faith system.  I'm listening and learning and starting to believe there could be a great love out there for me..."

"You teach in ways you'll never know..."

I seriously lost it, there and then. I sobbed.  I wasn't trying to be a witness to her,  though I did want her to know God loves her and to see His love. I was truly just being me. I also realize she doesn't give me all the credit....of course,  I give God the credit, anyway.  He IS guiding her life. He is blessing her. She is seeing Him now, because her eyes have been opened.  (Perhaps because she is showing the same type of love the Gospel preaches by doing foster care? Perhaps through our conversations?  Perhaps through the stories her girls bring home from church/VBS? I'm sure many reasons combine....) I PRAY for my dear friend even more so now. I pray God ministers to her spirit daily. I pray she sees more of Him in her daily life. I pray she will come to know Him as a loving Father and best friend. You can never be too old for that.

Our conversation was a blessing,  though.  It was the first time someone told me an impact I'd had on their life like that. (Aside from my students) It encouraged and uplifted me. It also made me think.

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 5:14-16.  

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Let your light shine...

Is your light shining? What do others see? Do they see God?  Do they witness unconditional love? Do they see a shining light in a dark world? Or do they see negativity?  Do they see a hypocrite? What do they see?

We really are teaching,  even when we don't realize it. We may be the only Bible people ever see. Are they seeing the truth?  Are they seeing a reason to believe?

I have been encouraged by my friend and by her words. I pray others also see. Christ in me and learn from me...just as I continue to love others!

Friend...I love you. Forever. I will continue to lift you in prayer.  Keep seeking and listening.  You are amazing....God and His faithfulness is even more amazing! 

Moments of the Heart....

This weekend has been about the little moments... but the ones that make my heart swell.

Friday,  I posted a blog...a letter to myself,  reminding me that there are better days for every rough day....better moments for every rough moment.  A couple hours later,  my kiddoes got off the school bus, and we experienced some of those better moments....

Little Man took THREE AR tests Friday.... he made 2 100s and an 80! He read two other books that he's ready to take tests on tomorrow, because he ran out of time! He made a 100 on a science test AND he got back an old science assignment...he says he's the only one to get a 100 on that assignment!  Also,  he moved his clothespin up to SUPER STUDENT from READY TO LEARN!  Yes... I'm a proud Mama.

Baby Girl had a map project to do last week. It was due Friday.  She made a 100!  She worked so hard on that project!  It was hard to sit on my hands and let it be kid - generated,  but I did!!! She did well! She made a 100 on her reading/listening comprehension test!  This is the first one she's made above a C on,  so we are pleased! 

I really love to see the kids excelling in school. It makes me feel like I'm making a difference. 

We've had a lot of snuggle moments this weekend...moments where we decided to not worry about anything else. We just relaxed and loved on each other.  In the hustle and bustle of school, church, homework,  house work,  appointments...I don't want to lose the little moments.  These kiddoes have been loaned to us for a brief while.  We don't know how long we have to show them love...tender, genuine love....tough love....Unconditional love. I'm focusing on snuggling them a little longer and celebrating little moments. 

Speaking of celebrating.... we celebrated Grandparent's Day today!  We have to mail gifts to J's parents.  We got to give the gifts to Grammy (my mom) & Poppi & ReMal, though!  That was exciting!  The kids loved it,  and I think I had as much fun as they did!  While they may not be in our home forever, they will forever remember the love  all of their adoptive grandparents have given them.  It's real to them. It's another moment that warms the heart. 

I challenge you to slow down.  Focus on the heart moments.  Say I love you. Ask how are you. Smell the roses.  Experience life through the eyes of children.  Slow down. Relish the moments you have. Make moments!  They're worthwhile.  I promise. 

Dear Self...

We've had a few rough days in the Bloomer household. We've had some emotional times. We've had some stressful times. The last week and a half has been challenging at times. When I have my darkest moments, I try to remind myself of the same things I tell others. I'm not always good at that, though, and several times the last week and a half (probably daily, if I'm honest), I've felt like a failure and questioned my worth as a parent. (It doesn't help when one of them gets mad at you and tells you, "You're a bad parent, because...." Of course, they later hug you and kiss you and tell you they're sorry...but the words still wound at times. I have to remind myself  they don't mean it; it's hard for them, too.) I decided to write down the words I would tell other people...the encouragement and reassurance I would give them...and to write it to myself. That way, when I'm having a rough day...I can go back and read it...and remember...

Dear Self...

Here are just a few things I want to tell you or remind you. (Other parents, you can listen up, too!) 

1. You are not a failure. 
2. Stop taking it personal. It's not a reflection of you or your parenting ability.
3. Hang in there.


YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. More on that, but first...some food for thought. 

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. ~ John Burroughs

Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it. ~ Mia Hamm

I really don't think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don't mind the failure but I can't imagine that I'd forgive myself if I didn't try. ~ Nikki Giovanni

There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~ Elbert Hubbard

     You see, you're not a failure. You're still trying. Every single day, you give it your best effort. You wake up every morning thinking about your kids. "Will they eat breakfast at home or at school? Is it a good day for a special treat -- like running through the Hardee's drive-thru? Why does Little Man insist on eating breakfast at school instead of here? Does he really eat breakfast? I would hate for him to be hungry all day; he's so little as it is. What crazy outfit will Baby Girl come down the stairs in today? I'm so torn sometimes between letting her pick out her own clothes (but making sure they match) and  picking her clothes out for her. How many times will I have to tell them to brush their teeth this  morning? Did I sign all their papers last night? Did their folders get put back in their book bags? I love these kiddoes so much; what will I do when their gone??"  Those thoughts...they are in the first sixty seconds of waking up, probably. The thoughts don't stop there, either. They keep rolling, pretty much non-stop. Those kids, they're part of your world. They matter. 

     Does this mean you'll get it right every time? No. There are days  you'll raise your voice a little too sharply. There are days you'll forget to sign a permission slip. There are days one of those words you tell them not to say just may slip between your lips. (Don't worry, it's still not pretty, lady-like or "okay," but forgive yourself...and God will forgive you, too. Next time you can bite your tongue.) But, for every day like that...there will be 5, 10, 15, or 20 better days. There will be the days when you hug them a little tighter. There will be the days when Little Man WANTS to curl up in your lap and read with you. There will be the days when someone compliments you on how well-behaved they are. There will be the days when you notice that THIS TIME they didn't cower behind you when they met someone new. There will be the days that they flush the toilet, wash their hands, and turn out the light -- ALL WITHOUT BEING REMINDED! There will be the days where they squeeze you so tight, you feel like you really may break in two. There will be the moments/days where even after you've felt like a failure for speaking too harshly, they will be saying their prayers, and you'll hear them say, "Help Ms. Dayna to feel better." or "Help us all to have a good day." There will be those moments...the ones where you know that you're doing something right...that they're listening...and that, believe it or not, they really are learning from you! 

    Every time you respond to those moments you perceive as failures in a courageous way...that ensures that you aren't a failure. Every time you respond to those moments by saying, "I'm sorry. I overreacted. Please forgive me," or "I love you. I will do better next time," or "I shouldn't have said that. Will you forgive me?"...you ensure you aren't a failure. Every time you stand up tall again, every time you keep trying, every time you accept responsibility and move forward...you ensure you aren't a failure.

    Listen to me one more time. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are learning and growing...whether you've been a parent for 2 months or 2 decades...you still won't get it right every time. That doesn't make you a failure. That makes you human. Quit holding yourself to a higher standard than you would hold everyone else to...you don't call them a failure when they mess up once or twice...or even repeatedly, as long as they acknowledge their mistakes and stand up again. Give yourself the same credit and respect you give to others. 


STOP TAKING IT PERSONAL! 

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. ~Author Unknown

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. ~Harold Hulbert

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. ~Franklin P. Jones

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault

      Listen to one who knows. How many years have you spent working with children?  How many  times have you met a parent, who was so lovely and concerned and really trying to do it the right way, and then asked yourself, "Why is that child still acting up so much?" or "Why does the child act that way?" YES, there are times when you can honestly say, "The apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree." Those times are fewer and farther between than you realize, though, right now...when you're in the thick of it. So Little Man lied about his  homework...or he didn't turn it in on time...or, even though you went over the directions with him 25 times, he still didn't do it right. At some point, there  have to be natural consequences for behavior...he has to learn. So, you didn't make him redo it. He's a child. He's finding his wings. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. It really doesn't reflect as negatively on you as you think. Let it go. 

    It's truly not a reflection of you or your parenting. Do you know what makes a good parent? One who loves and listens and is involved...that's a good parent. Perfect is nowhere in the definition of parent. Stop putting it there unnecessarily. How many times have you told your friends (whether they're doing foster care or raising their own flesh and blood)..."NO ONE is judging you!" "It's not a reflection of you!"  "You're doing a great job!"  "Don't worry about it!" "I'm proud of you!"  "You're awesome!" Why is it so easy for you to speak those words to others who need to hear it...but you won't listen to them yourself? Listen now. You're doing what every good parent does. You're putting your children first. You're listening to them. You're involved with what goes on in their life. You care. You want them to be successful. Anyone who talks to you (or your kids) for more than five minutes can see that you have their best interests at heart, and their unpredictable behaviors and choices are a result of being a child (and, to be more specific...a child who has learned a lot of those behaviors to survive), not a poor reflection of you. 

    In the moments you feel like people are judging you...in the moments you feel that you are a poor parent...hug those kids a little tighter; speak positive words of affirmation into their life a little more; focus on the good you see in them. Pray for them. When you focus on the positive, and lay aside the negative, you'll remind yourselves, and them, that you're doing a good job...together. 

HANG IN THERE! 

     Better days are coming. Each day isn't perfect, but your hard work and efforts are not to no avail. 


It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

When you get to your wits end, you will find, God lives there.  ~Author Unknown

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.  ~Author Unknown

Fall seven times, stand up eight.  ~Japanese Proverb

Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.  ~Jerome Fleishman

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.  ~Edmund Hillary

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.  ~Author Unknown

We acquire the strength we have overcome.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.  Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll.  ~Author Unknown

      You see, these kiddoes...they are making progress each and every day. Even if you can't see it all the time...it's there. Don't stop doing what you're doing. God put this desire in your heart. Keep fueling it. You are helping to build strong children...they may have been a little weak when they came to you, but when they leave you, they'll be a lot less broken...I promise. They will remember what you've taught them, too. You may not see the fruits of your labor come to full fruition for many years...but it will be there. 

     Encourage yourself. The best way to do this is to talk to God. Pick up His Word and feed on it. Talk to others who have been there. Sometimes, there's  nothing more reassuring than to hear, "I've experienced the same thing," or "It's normal," or "You're doing great!" If you get to the point where you can't encourage yourself, find someone who can. 

    Don't quit. Don't beat yourself up. There are days when you want to cry...let yourself cry. Then, look around at all the reasons you have to smile and smile ever so brightly. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF; I believe in you.

Love,
Dayna

Am I a Mom?

**Disclaimer: The purpose of this post is to answer questions other people may have...not to criticize my sister or anyone else. I'm not upset with her. I understand the mixed emotions she's been having as well, and I admire her for saying to me, "I have mixed emotions about this..." Do NOT judge her...I know there are a million other people out there who have the same questions she had. I want to address those questions from my point of view, to see if I can spread awareness.**

       Months ago, when we began the foster care process, my younger sister walked through it with me. She talked to me often about the process, what we were going through, our emotions, etc. She was very excited to be a foster-aunt. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she would love my foster children with all that she had. She has plenty of love to give. Immediately, she did love my children. She showed them love and care when she was around them. She mailed them cards to tell them she was thinking of them, and she told each of them one positive quality she admired in them. She's an amazing aunt.

       Recently, though, we had a brief conversation. Then, my sister came across my blog on Facebook...and that prompted a bigger, more honest, in-depth conversation...where she told me these mixed emotions and concerns she had been having...where she expressed her own fears about being a "foster aunt." You see, it bothered her a little that she saw me calling myself a "mom" without putting the word foster in front of it. This bothered her for several reasons. Am I a mother? What makes a mother? I didn't birth these children, and they're only in my life temporarily (at this time). Am I trying to take the place of these kids' mother? My sister has always been the one who can empathize with people who are hurting, or have chosen destructive paths in life. She doesn't want to see them continually hurt. She also didn't want to see ME hurt, by calling myself a MOM...forgetting it was "temporary." Would I get too attached? What would happen to me, when "my children" were taken away from me?  (I am certainly not using her exact words here, and she didn't say all of this explicitly...some of it, I inferred/perceived based on other conversations I've had with people and other comments I have heard)  EDIT: I feel I should clarify one thing that I didn't write well...Toni did not call me to criticize me, when we had the second conversation...the one I wrote about. She called to apologize and to be honest with me that something had been bothering her, because her heart hurt for the mom, too. Then, she had read my blog...about my mixed emotions and my feelings that my gain means someone else's loss. She realized I had some of the same questions and mixed emotions. Toni DOES consider herself an aunt to my children, she does love them....she never questioned if I was a mom exactly....she questioned if I should, on Facebook or anywhere, being leaving off the word foster in front....if it hurt my kids or me or other people. I wrote the post, because I know some people say, "Oh you're just a foster mom" or "you're not a real mom." They DO mean it negatively. Toni meant it from a protective standpoint, and she wanted an open, honest conversation to help her understand. She wanted to break the silence, and she wanted to know more. I should also add, she had to be brave to do that, because I haven't always been known for being level-headed and rational about things I'm passionate about. (Right, Toni?!) A few years ago, I would have bitten her head off!

       So, I addressed these in a healthy manner with my sister. Now, allow me to address them to all my readers who may have questions....or to other foster parents, who may wonder....or who may have family who wonders.

       Am I a mom? I address this question, as Baby Girl is lying on my arm, snuggling me....do you know how hard it is to type, when a child is lying on your dominate arm? Ha ha! I address this question, as Little Man runs past me to the bathroom and says "Give me a hug! I love you so much!" Do those events necessarily make me a "mom?" Not in an instance by themselves, no. But, yes...they are part of what makes me a mom.

      I am a mom. I wake up early in the mornings. I rush through my shower to allow the children to sleep just a little longer, so I can then get them up and focus on them, as much as possible. I pick out clothes. I fix hair. I cook meals. I assist with homework. I hold these kids while they cry. I get them to school on time. I help with homework....sometimes, homework is painstakingly difficult. I struggle not to cry, when I watch them struggling...because, as my seven year-old said, "No one ever cared enough to help me with homework before. They were always too busy fighting." (Hearing a seven year-old saying this, so brutally honest...hurts.) I plan birthday parties. I comfort after nightmares. I laugh with the children. I cry with the children. I've taught them proper hygiene and how to bathe. I call their teachers. I take them to the doctor. I sit up with them at night, when they can't sleep. I tuck them in every night and say their prayers with them. I listen, non-judgmentally, as they share with me the good and bad memories of life, "when we were with our mom." (I admit...that's sometimes the hardest part)

Yes...I'm a mom.

There's a quote that says, "It's not the word before parent that defines...bio, adoptive, foster, step...but rather the love and dedication in the parent's heart..."

The love and dedication in my heart is immense. It is a fierce. It is real.

Understand this, though....it is NOT a desire to take the place of the mom or dad of any child placed in my home...especially a child who is in foster care, not an adoptive placement. My desire is to be a good role model, a good "fill-in" for these kids, who I consider partly my own, while their parents are unable to be there. My goal is to provide them with love, stability, security, and peace while they are with me. I tell the children often, "I'm not trying to take your mommy's place. I'm just trying to help you live a good, quality life until your mommy is able to give you the same life. I will never take her place." My children understand that...yet, they sometimes introduce me as "my mom." Sometimes, they introduce me as "My Daynee" or "Miss Dayna" or "my foster mom." They call me whatever they are comfortable with at that time...and I'm okay with that. I want them to be comfortable. I want them to feel safe. We pray together for their mommy, and I will continue to do that....

But, yes, I will continue to call myself a mom; because I am. I may only be a mom in their life temporarily...but I hope and pray my influence will be worthwhile...and remembered, when they do go back home and as they grow up...that they will remember some of the things they have learned while here.

I hope this will help to answer a few questions people may have. Many children are in foster care and need a second "mom" or "dad" to fill in for a while...or for what may lead to an eternity. If you are interested in becoming a foster parent...or finding out more about being a foster parent...please let me know!

If you are becoming a foster-aunt, foster-grandparent, foster-church family member....and you have concerns about it...or about getting attached...let me give you the best advice I can. Give up the belief that you won't get attached. Let your guard down. Open your heart. Wear it on your sleeve. These kids need love...genuine, heart-felt, no-holds-barred LOVE. You can help them give it...right beside their foster parents! Will your heart break when they leave? Without a doubt. But,  you're investing in their future...and you could very much be turning a life around. I promise, the ache you feel when they leave will be worth knowing you helped transform a life.